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First, before I start explaining your questions, I need to point out a fundamental problem you have in using V-ing and V-ed.  Based upon the way you ask question, it indicates that you ALWAYS use yourself as a reference to determine to use V-ing or V-ed.  This is a deadly mistake.  Instead, you shall ONLY base upon the context of the sentence.

1. General's power is given by his superior, but once he has the
    power, it is him, himself, using the power, that is why you use "far
    reaching"

2.  She absorbs from herself, not from outside.  It means " one is
     absorbed by oneself
", so you use "self-absorbed".  If you use
     "self-absorbing", it can be scary, it sounds like she is using 
     some sort device to absorb things from outside (like in the
     monster movie).
 
 

3.  The "well-behaved" WAS something that observed in the past,
     whether this behavior continues until the present time, NOBODY
     knows.  If you use "well-behaving", it means at the time when you 
     speak, this child is well-behaving", whether this child behaved well
     in the past is unknown.  On the other hand, the sentence use
     "have never seen", it means: the conclusion is for the past, not for
      now.  Hence, you use "well-behaved"

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